Frequently Asked Questions
There may be no such thing as a stupid question, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive
idiots. Here are our responses to them. We've also thrown in a couple of responses
to questions that were actually pretty perceptive.
Don't see the answer to your question? Fear not! Since we know you're not an inquisitive
idiot, we'll invite you to contact us with whatever your
question is and we'll get back to you with an answer. We do bite occasionally, but
we promise you'll love it when we do!
Why was I charged sales tax?
Profane Cards is based in Michigan so we have to charge sales tax on orders placed
in Michigan. Yup. Ain't nothing we can do about it.
But look on the bright side: you're helping to keep the state the beautiful place
it is! Then again, maybe you're just allowing a bunch of over-paid, under-worked,
opinionated windbags to continue their publicly-funded ego-trip. Hmmm... you decide!
Either way, we have to hit you up for the extra 6%. Sorry!
How do I pay for my order?
We gladly accept the four horsemen of the retail world: Visa, MasterCard, Discover,
and American Express.
Sorry, we don't accept cash. That is unless you come in to our offices and put it
in our hands. But if you do that, we'll probably insist that you dance for us or
something. On second thoughts, we'd better not. No cash.
Checks? Yeah, we love those. Especially the rubber, bouncy kind. Sorry, no dice
on checks either. Credit cards only, my friend.
When is my card actually charged?
Your card is charged the moment your order is placed. We're impatient like that.
Don't worry though: we ship just as quickly!
Is my credit card information safe?
Yup. We don't store your credit card number and the checkout is protected by SSL
encryption.
Can I make changes to my order?
On the whole, we'd rather you just made up your mind before you actually submit
the order. But yes, providing the order has not yet shipped, you can change your
order. To do so, please contact us.
When will my order be shipped?
Patience not your strong suit? We understand. We ship really quickly. Sometimes
same day. Usually by the next business day. Always‡ within two business days.
Find out more on the Shipping page.
‡ Unless an item is suddenly sold-out, in which case we'll email you to find
out what you want to do. — Sorry. The damn lawyers didn't like the “promissory
aspect to the word always” and made me put that in “so we don't get
sued”. Actually, I think they want us to get sued so they can bill us more.
Bastards!
Do you accept returns?
We want you to absolutely love what you order, so we'll certainly accept returns
or exchanges if something hasn't worked out the way you wanted. See our
Return Policy for full details on how to return or exchange your ProfaneCards.com
purchase.
How do I become a retailer?
Praise the lord and pass the orchids, what a fantastic question! The best one that
we've ever been asked! Seriously, you must be some kind of genius!
If you or someone you know wants to become a retailer, simply go (or direct them)
to the Retailers section of the website. We'd love to
talk to anyone interested in carrying Profane Cards in their store and we'll happily
discuss it with you.
We offer great pricing on our cards, attractive payment terms, and website items
will never undercut you in price (unless they're on close-out, which is rare). Our
products draw plenty of interest from retail customers, and more than the occasional
"oh-wow-I-gotta-buy-this!" impulse purchase.
So yeah, we'd love to hear from you. Check out the Retailers
section and give us call!
Was my order placed if I didn't receive a confirmation email?
If you completed the checkout process and submitted an order but didn't receive
an email confirmation, your order was probably placed. Whatever you do, don't place
your order again because it may result in both a duplicate shipment and a duplicate
charge on your credit card.
Start by checking your spam folder for the email from us. If it's not there, go
to the Order Status page and we'll help you find out what
happened to your order.
You can avoid this problem by ensuring that ProfaneCards.com is added to your spam
filter's whitelist.
What currency is used for products on this website?
You know, we can't work out if this is an inquisitive idiot question or not. Whatever...
we'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
All prices on this website are in United States Dollars (USD). The Greenback. The
Almighty Dollar. You know, that thing you roll up and snort your nose-candy through?
Do you accept international orders?
Does Canada count as international? If so, yes!
Other than that, no. Sorry! At this time, we only ship to the United States and
Canada. We will be shipping internationally within the next few months. Probably.
Is the site secure?
Yes, the website is very secure and Profane Cards is committed to protecting its
customers from fraud and from the loss of personal information. Profane Cards will
secure your personal information with up-to-date firewall and encryption techniques
during the ordering process.
Advanced SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) encryption provides added online security to
protect your personal information from unauthorized use. All website pages throughout
the checkout process are protected by SSL encryption.
In order to protect our customers to the fullest extent, Profane Cards does
not store your credit card information at any time.